Portland and other wanderings

Here starts my blog...I guess 9/11 is an easy date to remember...i'll get to that in another post...

So here i am in Portland, Oregon after spending most of my life in Phoenix, Arizona.  I came here July 3rd, 2010.  I couldn't take Phoenix anymore.  Although I lived with my sister and best friend Marissa and my best friend Tim, along with close friends David and Richelle, that perfect household's benefit could not outweigh the cost of living in Phoenix.  I also left my parents there, as well.  I also left Toby and Donny, 2 lifelong friends.  Again: cost vs. benefit.  I have lived other places like NY, Colorado, northern AZ, but always came back to Phoenix.  To put it in perspective, Phoenix was too easy for me.  Not that I need to push myself necessarily (although I do at times), but Phoenix is kind of like living at my parents house.

I told my dad before I left that I wanted to travel and see the world (still do and still will).  He said, "So what are you gonna do with your life when you are done wandering?", I said "Dad, this IS my life".  I think him and Tim and a lot of others attempted to "test" my mettle. Now that I am here, I think most have accepted that I have done the right thing for myself.  I stopped for two days in Price, Utah to stay with an old friend Alan Mitchell.  He is a great friend and this whole move was worth that simple rekindling.  His family is awesome, and as all my family and friends: I miss them daily. 


I am not so silly to think that I could leave my personality behind.  I take that with me.  I take my manias and my depressions.  I take my dreams and my fears.  I take my past and my future.  But for the first time since early Colorado journeys, I can breathe in the present because I have chased down some dreams. 

I love Portland, and I loved it almost immediately...but I want to move already.  This move helped me to realize that I need to keep going.  I have some things to work out, like car, credit cards, etc.  I have started looking at the endless roommate opportunities in Portland.  They are inexpensive and inexhaustible!  So my own concept of my own "ideal situation"/plan CAN change.  This place is a gateway for me.  It's a cemetery for others and their ideas.  There are parts and people of this city that are so closed off to new ideas, that you can spot them just walking down the street.  It's in their clothes, their adornments, and their faces.  How different is Hawthorne from Old Town Scottsdale?  Not too terribly much aside from disposable income.


I have started to go outdoors, hiking and camping...A major part of what I set out to do here.  I'm about to start fishing.  I am finally going to see my best girl friend Iona after 2 years.  Things can and do change.  I never wanted to change WHO i am...I only want to change what I do and WHERE I do it.  I want these things for my individual, selfish little life.  It's just sometimes about going down that path that seems scary and unknown, but once you do it you realize things.  You see that it's where you are supposed to be and that only your own fears held you back.  The path you take is neutral until you fill in the blanks of what it's all about.  The path you take, when aware and conscious of what you are actually doing, feels like home.

There are things you will leave behind that are really right with you the whole time.  Every person that is significant part of your life has their own dreams that they need to fulfill regardless of you, as well.  Accept their paths, as they have accepted yours.  Try not to grasp.  Deny a sense of ownership with these people you love.  By letting go and letting them grow, is where the bond can truly strengthen.

So what comes next?  What adventure?  They seem big to me when they are happening, but in the interest of the whole "moment" thing, significance of any given adventure tends to shrink and dim when compared to the next potential adventure is being planned.  I am kind of considering moving to Bend, Oregon to work at Mt. Bachelor for a season.  I want to live in Alaska, Idaho and Montana.  Then comes Maui.  No matter what though, you always take your friends and family with you.  Thankfully, the internet is what it is, or I would have to make a lot more phone calls!

...and sometimes you gotta just throw a mean-mug at life (and some people) to keep it real!