


I spent a lot of time on my own. Thinking from a safe place away from civilization. It takes so long to sometimes to sit, relax and breathe. To slow the heart. To be satisfied that all your comforts are properly setup; that your sense of comfort it sated. It is so easy to be in the moment, to be present in a place like that. Yet, at times I would still fight just for resistance's sake! I had many times where I was like a child discovering new things around me. Animals, plants, herbs. It was cool to be in a new place, enjoying the newness. This newness was not only in the nature around me, but that newness was kind of a slightly new self.
Iona gave me a book by Eckhart Tolle called, A New Earth. For the first time in awhile, I feel like I can seek peace within myself. I can be spiritual without having to confuse it with religion and an elusive concept of god. It took me so long to realize my atheism. And I was so turned of by religion and small-minded, personification concepts of god, that i allowed it to hinder seeking peace and truth for myself. I am moving past that. I am free to pick and choose my methods of meditation, self-discovery and happiness. No guilt. No veil of secrecy. No walking on eggshells. Good stuff.
I got to spend time with my best friend Tim and his mom (and sis Emily for a few). I love his mom, what a cool person. A lot like Tim. The 3 of us took a few beers and went to Folsom Lake in Folsom, near Sacramento. Watched the sunset. Mama A learned a bit about me. Tim and his Mom learned a little about each other. We chilled for a couple days. I met two of Tim's old school friends. Todd is a cool cat. Have to get some snowboarding in with him and Tim. Unfortunately Tim's dad, Theo was on the road. Emily, his sis, was virtually non-existent. Such is high-school life tho. I gave the book to Mama A. It was at just the right time. She needed it. Just like I needed it when I got it (I actually needed it all along). I lost my $300 Nixon Watch on the trip. I let it go. I wasn't gonna let it ruin my good time. Fuck any object ruining my happiness!!
I have come to peace with a few things, and found new things to stress about. I want out of the city. I have a new destination. Big Sky, Montana! I want the great wide open. I want to see all four seasons. My friend Matt might go with me, but I will go alone. Population is about 1500. Huge snowboard/ski resort. I am reading a book by Robert Kull - Solitude: Seeking Wisdom in Extremes; A year alone in the Patagonia Wilderness. Amazing book. So many taboos about doing things alone. Society is all about normalizing relationships, marriage, kids, family. I want to deepen the relationships I have. I have no time for trivialities. Are we doomed to only be the people that those around us see? Maybe for some. But not for me. I'm gonna go get me some!
Big Sky Montana! Nice! Sounds like you had an awesome trip with some really great friends! What up from AZ :)
ReplyDelete