Big Valley of Big Sky, Montana

Been awhile since I blogged.  Much has happened; not much has happened..depends on your perspective I suppose.  Last week in Portland was bittersweet.  Stayed with my friend Erin.  She was amazing to put me up for a week.  I said my Portland goodbyes before I headed out.  I will miss Gretchen, Kenny and Josh (and Ivy).  Had a great "Last Supper" at RedStar Tavern of whole roast pig.  Amazing.

Trip from Portland was fun and dotted with stress of varying degrees.  Started with a delay getting Stephen his DL in Washington.  Got pulled over leaving Portland-town area.  Cop let us go = good omen.  Stopped to drop Stephen off with his brother in Spokane, WA.  Went on to meet Matt and his super cool brother Mike in Coeur D' Alene, Idaho.  75 miles from the Canadian border...quite the otherworldly feeling.  Headed out in the AM with a late start, as Stephen's brother gave him a ride from Spokane.

Great drive, hit Montana and was in heaven.  I had great feelings rush over me.  I had worked so hard to get to a place I TRULY wanted to be.  All my life, my dreams, led me to this unknown, yet comfortable land.  What a grand adventure.  What a grand time to be alive. My home is always exactly where I lay, so I felt immediately at home.  I felt some stress in Missoula.  It was getting late, I needed to find a bank to withdraw deposit money off a credit card.  Had a hard time finding the bank, I lost touch with Matt and Stephen, my phone battery was dying.  It was a long drive.  The stress of moving was catching up to us.  We ended up in Bozeman at about 9:30.  We went shopping, as zombies: sooooo tired.  We then made the last stretch to Big Sky.

Now our property manager knew we would arrive late so:  He left the door unlocked and 3 keys on the counter with our lease agreement.  Small town, no crime..most of all, kind people.

We got here to major snow and cold for mid-november.  Stephen, Matt and I turned out a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner.  Matt and Stephen secured jobs at Choppers down in Meadow Village, only to find that they are working Timbers at base village of Moonlight Basin (sister resort to Big Sky).  After much negotiation, I decided on my original position with Spanish Peaks: working as a server at Pinnacle Restaurant on Big Sky at the top of Ramcharger lift.  I recently started talking to Lone Mountain Ranch, which didn't pan out, and now Rainbow Ranch Lodge.  Nice place, great history and rep.  They are trying to return to splendor after a fire a few years ago.  I wanna night job it there.  We will see, stay posted.  My secured job starts Tuesday (Dec 7th).  I get my season pass on Wednesday.

We have run into some snags recently.  Two nights ago Matt got a DUI, and today his trucks rear diff went out. All part of an adventure, but thats easy for me to say cause it happened to Matt, not me.  BUT we are in this together and I will help anyway I can.

The winter is now here and I hope to do well and re-coup some of my lost moving money.  This is why i'm planning on 2 jobs.  Again, we will see.  Stay posted for new developments and insights.  I also will be writing of my 1 week trip to Phoenix soon

Closer to Big Sky

So it's gonna be me, Matt and new friend Stephen from Matt's work going to Big Sky.  Stephen spends winters at Beaver Creek, Colorado usually but he's lookin to switch it up.  Stephen hails from Washington, he's a chill cat that waits tables and can surely smoke me on a snowboard..which means he'll be pushing me and matt to new sick terrain and challenges for sure this season.  Stoked is an understatement!  The snow will be pounding all season, the quality beer will surely be flowing, and the 350Z gets parked for 3 or 4 months.

We set our leave date for Monday, November 15th...4 weeks.  We are trying to lock in a nice place, we gotta do that soon though cause places are gonna close up quickly.  Gonna be renting a 5x9 flatbed to tow behind Matt's Jeep Cherokee.  I gotta be out of my current place by the 8th.  Probably gonna stay with my friend Erin for a week, then it's time to peace out.


My job at Thirst has turned up to be an overall loss of financial ground.  I like the owners i suppose.  Leslie is cool, especially when she drinks.  Sometimes I think she is the only reason I'm still there.  It seems as though Gary just doesn't trust me.  Charlie is actually a cool, carefree kid..BUT has a horribly noticeable sense of entitlement that causes him to look down on others unconsciously, and he knows way too much that a lot of people don't really wanna hear.  Julia is nice outside work, but she is a Food & Beverage infant.  Almost everyone except for Erin is greedy.  Devon and Brent turned out to be cool.  Dan is the man.  I guess I shouldn't be mad at people (and I'm not) because so many in the industry are greedy: nothing new.  I thought business it would pick up but it never did.  I went from nice paychecks/lots of hours, to less hours and making a LITTLE bit of tips.  Washout.  I was probably a little to spend-thrifty when I got to Portland.  But no sense crying over spilled pocketbooks! 


Portland just doesn't work that well for me.  At least not right now.  I mean I can be comfortable anywhere for a time.  But it's about function and finding a place that I love day in and day out.  I've been looking to venture and discover areas OUTSIDE Portland ever since I got here.  I long more for a tent by a lake and a campfire more than here.  Shit, I think I'd rather be back in Phoenix at this point (just a comparison, no one freak out please).


I am ridiculously excited to have a date set and an eye on the prize (with the other eye firmly set on my financial woes).  I will miss Gretchen, Bobby, Erin and Shawn.  We will cross paths again.

Often expressed, but rarely well-thought-out religious views by yours truly

Original Statement (by a friend):
if the church were christian- jesus would be a model for living not an object of worship; gracious behavior would be more important than right belief; questions would be more important than answers; meeting needs would be more important than maintaining institutions; this life would be more important than the afterlife; it would care more about love and less about sex; and peace would be more important than power.

Wednesday at 11:49pm · 
my 1st response (amongst others) 
if churches were truly "christian", they probably wouldn't even exist in the first place

16 hours ago · 

someone's (not the author's) response to me

Bradley, I respectfully disagree BUT I think I see where you are going, denominations may be the most divisive word. Worship/community and learning more deeply in a kind way is what I feel the church was established for.

13 hours ago ·

my ramble responses

Michelle, although I am an atheist I used to attend churches and synagogues. I always believed that churches should actually resemble small groups of a dozen, maybe a few more. How is the "church" suppose to hold each other accountable with larger congregations? Member-to-member member-to-preacher and preacher-to-member. I mean the preacher's job is pretty cut and dry if everyone's "flesh" falls short, meaning that his message always applies to all. And if accountability is ultimately the job of god, then there should be no need for a gathering of more than one anyway. I will give you that learning is a major congregational function, but again, what good does they other 50, 100 or 1000 members do for you?

53 minutes ago · 

..also tithing is ridiculous because it pre-supposes that churches were meant to be formed as they are, according to scriptural instruction (Letters from Paul, Acts 1&2, etc). Churches themselves, concepts such as the "New Jerusalem" COULD be churches and kingdoms of the the SPIRIT, and NOT in a material sense. I'm sure as a christian you have heard these arguments. I would say the bible IS open to interpretation whether it is the word of god (because we can't know the mind/intention of god) or written by man (obviously open to interpretation). This is obvious as diff preachers interpret diff things.

44 minutes ago · 

Addressing what Ellen was saying...I think churches, as we know them, must set boundaries on behavior, dogmas of belief and focuses of worship in order to survive by strengthening belief amongst/between worshipers: 1000 people waving hands in prayer, cements belief a lot better than a group of 10 doing the same..it's just the way social groups work...yet NOTHING heals and soothes like a good one-on-one with a trusted person in your life...a group can never do that, because a group naturally has more boundaries. Differences between people are usually divisive (sexual preference, political beliefs, social diffs). To attract congregation members requires that variety is celebrated, yet uniformity is the goal or the church cannot function for long.

35 minutes ago · 

Michelle, hopefully you catch my drift and I have not offended you. I do appreciate you giving me a respectful reply as we all need to be learned (and be reminded) about the world around us

33 minutes ago · 

Just added

Just added "Things I Like" menu.  For now I have started a modest beer list, with a wine list to follow.  I have also added Pictures Menu, with my most recent pics of Tahoe.  Again, more to come in that department.  Enjoy!


Beers I Love


Tahoe Pics - Sept 2010

Big Sky [Montana] Burrito

(Actual Spanish Peaks sub-range in Gallatin NF)
Yes, I've got Big Sky, Montana as wrapped up as can be from here; wrapped up like a warm delicious burrito!  Just gotta go there and seal the deal.  The place I'll be working for is Spanish Peaks, private ski and golf club with 700+ units on property..units =  big baller houses and lots!  They are located on the southern slope of Big Sky resort. Spanish Peaks is named after a sub-range of the Madison Range that runs between Bozeman and Ennis, Montana in the Gallatin NF.

I had an interview at today for a pretty cool bartending job in Portland, but it's too little too late.  I am dead-set on Big Sky.  My friend Matt said it best: "This will be good for the soul".  I agree wholeheartedly.  I will be leaving Bobby Winstead, Gretchen Isakson and Kenny Kraft here in Portland.  Bobby and Kenny I know previously.  Gretchen I met in Portland and is my only real Portland-only friend.  To her I am sorry.  

It's funny how now that I have made my decision, I can drive around the city and miss it as if A) I have already left, and B) I have been her enough time to actually miss it LOL.  I did integrate pretty quick here, and I gotta give Portland SOME of the props for that...HOWEVER, I think I'm finding that I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin, with my few belongings and with a sense of adventure.  The world seems just a bit smaller now.  And city-to-city (especially in the US), things are not that different.  I even felt comfortable when I visited London.  I like thinking that my life is bigger than just a city.  I like thinking that I can conquer huge parts of the outdoors.  In the end, I know i am just little me.  But why not imagine.

Looks like my good friend Matt is rolling with me to Big Sky.  Definitely makes the move a bit less scary (and a bit more spacious since we can tow a trailer with his jeep).  Not that I've gained that much stuff since I moved here in July, but I need somewhere to put my walmart sterilite dressers and storage bins ;-)

I remember it was only 5-6 months ago I was looking at pics of Portland, showing them to people, convincing them, and myself, that it was good move and a beautiful move.  Now, I'm doing it all over again.  I feel a bit more purpose this time tho.  I'm so glad I broke my own cycles by moving out of Phoenix.  Portland will always be here and I leave a small part of my heart here to come back to if I need or want to.

Friends are cool cause they say EVERYTHING you are already thinking...

Stacey Bogart Lindberg im stacey lindberg and i approve this message.........................

18 hours ago · Comment · 

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  2 people like this.
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    Vern Flanary That's good enough for me, I'm voting for you!!!!
    

    18 hours ago · 
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    Stacey Bogart Lindberg ‎.........i pledge to slander my opponents and be as corrupt a politician as i can possibly be............
    

    18 hours ago · 
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    Vern Flanary well, sounds like you got what it takes
    

    16 hours ago · 
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    Toby Mullane 
    
    

    That is not enough info.... Tell us every little thing your opponent has ever done wrong! But make sure you do not tell us what it is that YOU actually stand for. unless they are "glittering generalities" like.... I will fix the economy!!! lower taxes!! and create jobs!! You can say you like those things but should not tell us how you actually plan on fixing them. Oh yeah and you should throw in something about how the opposing party is trying to destroy our country, and how you cant trust politicians in Washington.... even though that is what you are trying to become!

    
    

    4 hours ago ·  ·  1 person
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    Vern Flanary lies, lies, lies we need more lies, tell us some
    

    3 hours ago · 
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    Stacey Bogart Lindberg ok folks i vow to take your money, eat it and shit it out right on your doorstep, i vow to not do what i say, and above all i vow to lie lie lie to get where i need to go, cause you know us politicians we all have our heads up our asses and dont give a shit about whats really going on. but its ok because i have a commercial on tv so i MUST be right!!! right?
    

    3 hours ago · 
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    Bradley Newman Toby! Very insightful! I could not have said it better
    

    31 minutes ago · 
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    Bradley Newman LMAO, you guys nail it down perfectly
    

    31 minutes ago · 

Solitude and other thoughts...

So this is the first time I've written since I got back from my Tahoe trip.  Seeing my best female friend Iona was awesome.  It was easy-going and fun.  Two good friends who love each other to death and are pretty comfortable despite long time apart and both being STUBBORN as hell!  We have never led each other astray.  We hope to live in the same vicinity again, and we will definitely will travel together again sometime soon.  She is one of the few people that understands my randomness: only because she doesn't judge me and trusts that whatever I am doing is for the best.  She, like my other close friends, know my dreams and realizes that they come from a good heart, with the best of intentions.  As she encourages me to live my dreams, I think I encourage her.  No matter how lonely you feel, you are never alone if you have another "lonely" friend chasing their own dreams!


Tahoe and Desolation Wilderness were incredible.  Insane scenery.  Granite marked with indigo blue and emerald green lakes.  Oases of trees and greenery popped up everywhere, with brush clinging close to the ground and waiting for the pine needles to drop, decay and compost into something resembling soil!  Fish would come up for their sunset feedings, sending small ripples through the early evening glass of Lake Fontanallis.  We had a beautiful fullish moon for all our nights.  The sun would set and the moon-glow would cast on the mountains before the moon actually rose above the hills.  We would all separate to enjoy the sunset every night, then make a couple evening preparations, then go into solitude again to enjoy the moon-rise.  I would watch it rise behind this one dead tree, seeing the silhouette of the tree send "cracks" across the disc of the moon.  On next to last day, I tried to summit Dick's Peak (9974ft) to no avail.  Couldn't get up the last 100 feet because of scree (loose rock) and incline was too steep.  Went up these other peaks at around 9700.  Amazing views that my camera could not capture because the battery died.  Wish I could share it, but it is set to remain a decidedly personal experience!


I spent a lot of time on my own.  Thinking from a safe place away from civilization.  It takes so long to sometimes to sit, relax and breathe. To slow the heart.  To be satisfied that all your comforts are properly setup; that your sense of comfort it sated.  It is so easy to be in the moment, to be present in a place like that.  Yet, at times I would still fight just for resistance's sake!  I had many times where I was like a child discovering new things around me.  Animals, plants, herbs.  It was cool to be in a new place, enjoying the newness.  This newness was not only in the nature around me, but that newness was kind of a slightly new self.

Iona gave me a book by Eckhart Tolle called, A New Earth.  For the first time in awhile, I feel like I can seek peace within myself.  I can be spiritual without having to confuse it with religion and an elusive concept of god.  It took me so long to realize my atheism.  And I was so turned of by religion and small-minded, personification concepts of god, that i allowed it to hinder seeking peace and truth for myself.  I am moving past that.  I am free to pick and choose my methods of meditation, self-discovery and happiness.  No guilt.  No veil of secrecy.  No walking on eggshells.  Good stuff.

I got to spend time with my best friend Tim and his mom (and sis Emily for a few).  I love his mom, what a cool person.  A lot like Tim.  The 3 of us took a few beers and went to Folsom Lake in Folsom, near Sacramento.  Watched the sunset.  Mama A learned a bit about me.  Tim and his Mom learned a little about each other.  We chilled for a couple days.  I met two of Tim's old school friends.  Todd is a cool cat.  Have to get some snowboarding in with him and Tim.  Unfortunately Tim's dad, Theo was on the road.  Emily, his sis, was virtually non-existent.  Such is high-school life tho.  I gave the book to Mama A.  It was at just the right time.  She needed it.  Just like I needed it when I got it (I actually needed it all along).  I lost my $300 Nixon Watch on the trip.  I let it go.  I wasn't gonna let it ruin my good time.  Fuck any object ruining my happiness!! 

I have come to peace with a few things, and found new things to stress about.  I want out of the city.  I have a new destination.  Big Sky, Montana!  I want the great wide open.  I want to see all four seasons.  My friend Matt might go with me, but I will go alone.  Population is about 1500.  Huge snowboard/ski resort.  I am reading a book by Robert Kull - Solitude: Seeking Wisdom in Extremes; A year alone in the Patagonia Wilderness.  Amazing book.  So many taboos about doing things alone.  Society is all about normalizing relationships, marriage, kids, family.  I want to deepen the relationships I have.  I have no time for trivialities.  Are we doomed to only be the people that those around us see?  Maybe for some.  But not for me.  I'm gonna go get me some!

Trapped in Existential Ice Cubes

It has recently come to my attention that I don't want my current car anymore.  I want something worth LESS than what I currently own, approximately 1/3 of the value.  I cannot do this, however, because I signed a contract saying that I want my car for 72 months..or SIX FUCKING YEARS!  What was I thinking?  I wasn't.  My vehicle owns me.  The shitty part of Fight Club has come to pass.  My car, like my recent iPhone, does not reflect my personality, nor does it define who i am.  My car can definately reflect what I LIKE TO DO maybe.  My phone now reflects that I like to make phone calls and send texts.  My iPhone reflected...well that I liked expensive toys and hand-held computers.  Anyway, the car.  Purpose.  That is certainly not race around a track.  Maybe it's get laid a lot.  It was, but not right now.  I want a truck that can carry the little bit of stuff I happily own.  I need it to get me to a mountain to snowboard.  I need it to NOT kill my fucking pocketbook like another rent payment.  It pretty much doubles ALL my other bills when you factor in insurance.  Lame.


I want to move to Big Sky, Montana.  I want that to happen yesterday.  Probably can't happen until December.  Which means I need a job in this ridiculous town.  My competition is doped up, tattooed and pierced.  It's gonna be tough.  I'm probably getting a new living situation pretty quick.


Going to see 2 of my best friends in 2 days.  California, ehhh.  Tahoe, good!

Trillium Lake, Oregon..and a bit about dreams

So I decided to take up fishing.  I've got some of my friends gear, 6'6, Medium-Light, Fast Rod with a 6/8 spinning reel and some lures.  Definitely not a Salmon/Steelhead setup, so I went to go find a lake near Mt. Hood.  About 45-60 minutes from my house I arrived at Trillium Lake.  Pretty much directly south of Hood, maybe 175degrees...anyway, just south of Summit bowl and Palmer snowfield (the year-round area where people ski/snowboard on Hood.

I got to the lake and there were people sparsely dabbled here and there: some casting lures, some camping on chairs with bait and bobbers and 2 guys on personal pontoons and even a couple paddleboating around the lake.  I set out and found a spot all to myself on the east shore.  Quite relaxing, got to know the spinning reel intimately.  Tried a few different lures.  No bites.  There was a light wind as dragonflies did their late day play all around me.  Wind was mild and kicked up for 30 minutes as the sun left early over a ridge on the west border of the lake.

About this time, fish started there evening feeding.  The water was almost perfect glass, no wind.  All i could hear was pops of the fish surfacing, with occasional jovial laughter from one of the two pontoon-fishing buddies in the middle of the lake.  You could feel the relaxing vibe across the whole lake.

I decided to head back towards the south shore and some people were trading in fishing poles for cameras.  I decided to throw a few more casts and was rewarded with some Arizona-esque colors in the sky.  The clouds were moving in around Mt. Hood.  It was less like the mountain was saying goodbye, as it still wanted to play; more like the day was saying it's time for things to go to sleep as it wrapped Hood in a blanket of clouds that you could reach out and touch.  One thing I love about the Pacific NW is the clouds.  Yes, it gets rainy, but you are in the clouds almost anywhere you go...which means when you hike, you get view of Willamette Valley (Portland) and others lost under a carpet of clouds with only glacial volcanic peaks breaking the chalk white blanket.  You usually only have to go up to 3k-4k to see this phenomenon.

Honestly, I keep feeling this pull to leave Portland, as nice of a city as it is.

There just seems as though so much more is beckoning me.  With the volcanoes around the NW, from the city they beckon you to experience the forests, lakes, stream and wildlife that lay close to them.  That is what calls to me.  So much more places to experience.  So much less stress of a city.  And before you say it's about escape, it's not.  It's about arrival at things new, things I have wanted to experience forever now.  My own way.  Yes, again my own way.  No I will not get rich.  I will not gain many (big) toys.  I am still going off of my life fits in my _____ vehicle.  My vehicle needs to fit in my finances!  Portland could potentially be a new home to me, but I honestly think I have not found my new home yet.

My Review of REI Cirque ASL 2 Tent

Originally submitted at REI

The REI Cirque ASL (All Season Light) 2 tent reflects the classic backpacker layout with side doors and vestibules to maximize livability, access and storage for 2 occupants.

REI Cirque ASL 2 Tent

Super sweet tent!!

By laggy311 from Portland, Oregon on 9/11/2010

5out of 5

Pros: Sturdy, Windproof, Waterproof, Fly Works Well, Comfortable, Lightweight
Best Uses: Backpacking, Car Camping
Describe Yourself: Avid Adventurer
What Is Your Gear Style: Minimalist

I've been searching for quite sometime for a great backpacking tent that was spacious for me, light, durable and liviable through the 9/10 range of conditions that i come across. Being in the Pacific NW, I need a tent that can enable me to get out in fall and even winter. So i needed a true 4 season, but single walled. I finally settled on the Cirque vs the Arete. I was also looking at tents like Bibler, MH Spire, MSR Fury (2x walled).

I chose the Cirque over the Arete because of a little weight diff and the dual entries and vestibules, and thus the seemingly better airflow.

I did set up on before any trips, which you should do. One knock against this tent is the poles take some wooing to get all the way thru, could be me though so it doesn't warrant me taking off a star. Once in, thought tent is solid. Ingenious system to hold down fly and footprint. Says it comes with 8 stakes, but only got 6, which is fine as the extra 2 would only serve as extra guy points. Btw, this tent has tons of extra guy points.

Ventilation system is superb in the day. At night when temp drops, just seal it up. I spent a very wet night in Trapper Creek Wilderness, WA and the tent was bone dry DESPITE several wet articles of clothing in the tent with me.

I spent another cold night on Mt. Adams, about 6000ft with decent winds. Tent was toasty and did not budge. I bet this tent is great in high winds simply because there's really not much by was of squared edges. With the fly, it takes on a pretty round shape.

Interior pockets and gear loft are a nice touch. Tent is SUPER easy to roll up and store. I leave the fly attached for a "fast pitch" option. Seems ok, but like I said poles seem kind of tough to get past the high mid-point/crossing point. There is no fly/footprint only option as pole sleeves are on the tent. However, the fly and footprint could be set up if you have some utility cord.

Only other thing is that the doors don't open all the way. The picture shows the top of the tent door as far as it will go (bottom zips open, obviously). This cuts down on weight tho (less zipper), makes for less heat loss (cold weather tent). I'm short (5'7) so I don't have issues getting in and out.

I am SO happy with this tent and really need nothing else. If I'm camping in a desert in summer or hiking Everest, then I suppose I'll cross that bridge when I come to it!

Soda Peaks Lake, Trapper Creek Wilderness, WA

Tags: Picture of Product

(legalese)

My take on 9/11

This day is now a National Holiday.  I will say, first off, that i'm sorry to all the families and friends who had people die.  For everyone else, stop faking like this really affected your daily life...it's old and tiresome.  I remember where I was, as well, and yes it was intense and surrealistic, but seriously do you need to cry whenever the subject comes up?  What about genocides that happen all the time?  Can you have some remote sympathy for Rwandans on April 6th every year? When you wake up,  do you practice a moment of silence for Darfur?  After all, it is ethnic violence, categorically the same discriminatory "religious" violence perpetuated against the U.S.

No you don't, because it doesn't affect your daily lives..only 9/11 does because your media and government SAYS it does.  9/11 is the best pro-war rally cry this country has ever had.  Better than Pearl Harbor.  The enemy is 1) unseen, 2) everywhere and 3) hates us at a basal/instinctual/fundamental level...So we can always justify endless searching.  Which costs money.  And if money is getting spent, then money is being earned.  Capitalizing on suffering.  Suffering that is not even most of ours.  If you lost family in 9/11, then fine.  Otherwise what are you feeling?  Suffering? Are you part of a new empathetic human movement that I am unaware of? No, you are feeling fear.  See you can't feel, day-to-day, what it's like to lose someone in 9/11.  You have to be reminded once a year.  Almost no one would fucking remember until you were dating a check that day and you think, "hmmm, it's 9/11".  Thank you FOX and MSNBC! You're like an alarm clock for our compassionate souls, that have been slumbering all year! Where would we ever be without you!

"Well it's about our freedom and our way of life"!  Are you seriously afraid of being attacked by Muslim hordes on a daily basis?  If you are, then hey there Lawrence of Arabia: you are maladjusted to life and should seek professional help.  Is this Kingdom of Heaven?  Are you the Prince of Persia?

Ground zero is circus now.  We made it a circus.  Are people still fighting over the spot of ground in Beirut where 300 American and French servicemen died?  No.  What about where Americans where killed SUPPOSEDLY BY Bin Laden in Tanzania?  Nope.  Only Ground zero, cause they attacked: a symbol?  Did we really convert American lives into a symbol?

This holiday is not about unity.  Democrats-united.  Republicans-united.  Christians-united.  Jews-united.  Steel Workers-united.  It's easier to get folks to do what you want them to do when they have a sense of unity.

Portland and other wanderings

Here starts my blog...I guess 9/11 is an easy date to remember...i'll get to that in another post...

So here i am in Portland, Oregon after spending most of my life in Phoenix, Arizona.  I came here July 3rd, 2010.  I couldn't take Phoenix anymore.  Although I lived with my sister and best friend Marissa and my best friend Tim, along with close friends David and Richelle, that perfect household's benefit could not outweigh the cost of living in Phoenix.  I also left my parents there, as well.  I also left Toby and Donny, 2 lifelong friends.  Again: cost vs. benefit.  I have lived other places like NY, Colorado, northern AZ, but always came back to Phoenix.  To put it in perspective, Phoenix was too easy for me.  Not that I need to push myself necessarily (although I do at times), but Phoenix is kind of like living at my parents house.

I told my dad before I left that I wanted to travel and see the world (still do and still will).  He said, "So what are you gonna do with your life when you are done wandering?", I said "Dad, this IS my life".  I think him and Tim and a lot of others attempted to "test" my mettle. Now that I am here, I think most have accepted that I have done the right thing for myself.  I stopped for two days in Price, Utah to stay with an old friend Alan Mitchell.  He is a great friend and this whole move was worth that simple rekindling.  His family is awesome, and as all my family and friends: I miss them daily. 


I am not so silly to think that I could leave my personality behind.  I take that with me.  I take my manias and my depressions.  I take my dreams and my fears.  I take my past and my future.  But for the first time since early Colorado journeys, I can breathe in the present because I have chased down some dreams. 

I love Portland, and I loved it almost immediately...but I want to move already.  This move helped me to realize that I need to keep going.  I have some things to work out, like car, credit cards, etc.  I have started looking at the endless roommate opportunities in Portland.  They are inexpensive and inexhaustible!  So my own concept of my own "ideal situation"/plan CAN change.  This place is a gateway for me.  It's a cemetery for others and their ideas.  There are parts and people of this city that are so closed off to new ideas, that you can spot them just walking down the street.  It's in their clothes, their adornments, and their faces.  How different is Hawthorne from Old Town Scottsdale?  Not too terribly much aside from disposable income.


I have started to go outdoors, hiking and camping...A major part of what I set out to do here.  I'm about to start fishing.  I am finally going to see my best girl friend Iona after 2 years.  Things can and do change.  I never wanted to change WHO i am...I only want to change what I do and WHERE I do it.  I want these things for my individual, selfish little life.  It's just sometimes about going down that path that seems scary and unknown, but once you do it you realize things.  You see that it's where you are supposed to be and that only your own fears held you back.  The path you take is neutral until you fill in the blanks of what it's all about.  The path you take, when aware and conscious of what you are actually doing, feels like home.

There are things you will leave behind that are really right with you the whole time.  Every person that is significant part of your life has their own dreams that they need to fulfill regardless of you, as well.  Accept their paths, as they have accepted yours.  Try not to grasp.  Deny a sense of ownership with these people you love.  By letting go and letting them grow, is where the bond can truly strengthen.

So what comes next?  What adventure?  They seem big to me when they are happening, but in the interest of the whole "moment" thing, significance of any given adventure tends to shrink and dim when compared to the next potential adventure is being planned.  I am kind of considering moving to Bend, Oregon to work at Mt. Bachelor for a season.  I want to live in Alaska, Idaho and Montana.  Then comes Maui.  No matter what though, you always take your friends and family with you.  Thankfully, the internet is what it is, or I would have to make a lot more phone calls!

...and sometimes you gotta just throw a mean-mug at life (and some people) to keep it real!