Solitude and other thoughts...

So this is the first time I've written since I got back from my Tahoe trip.  Seeing my best female friend Iona was awesome.  It was easy-going and fun.  Two good friends who love each other to death and are pretty comfortable despite long time apart and both being STUBBORN as hell!  We have never led each other astray.  We hope to live in the same vicinity again, and we will definitely will travel together again sometime soon.  She is one of the few people that understands my randomness: only because she doesn't judge me and trusts that whatever I am doing is for the best.  She, like my other close friends, know my dreams and realizes that they come from a good heart, with the best of intentions.  As she encourages me to live my dreams, I think I encourage her.  No matter how lonely you feel, you are never alone if you have another "lonely" friend chasing their own dreams!


Tahoe and Desolation Wilderness were incredible.  Insane scenery.  Granite marked with indigo blue and emerald green lakes.  Oases of trees and greenery popped up everywhere, with brush clinging close to the ground and waiting for the pine needles to drop, decay and compost into something resembling soil!  Fish would come up for their sunset feedings, sending small ripples through the early evening glass of Lake Fontanallis.  We had a beautiful fullish moon for all our nights.  The sun would set and the moon-glow would cast on the mountains before the moon actually rose above the hills.  We would all separate to enjoy the sunset every night, then make a couple evening preparations, then go into solitude again to enjoy the moon-rise.  I would watch it rise behind this one dead tree, seeing the silhouette of the tree send "cracks" across the disc of the moon.  On next to last day, I tried to summit Dick's Peak (9974ft) to no avail.  Couldn't get up the last 100 feet because of scree (loose rock) and incline was too steep.  Went up these other peaks at around 9700.  Amazing views that my camera could not capture because the battery died.  Wish I could share it, but it is set to remain a decidedly personal experience!


I spent a lot of time on my own.  Thinking from a safe place away from civilization.  It takes so long to sometimes to sit, relax and breathe. To slow the heart.  To be satisfied that all your comforts are properly setup; that your sense of comfort it sated.  It is so easy to be in the moment, to be present in a place like that.  Yet, at times I would still fight just for resistance's sake!  I had many times where I was like a child discovering new things around me.  Animals, plants, herbs.  It was cool to be in a new place, enjoying the newness.  This newness was not only in the nature around me, but that newness was kind of a slightly new self.

Iona gave me a book by Eckhart Tolle called, A New Earth.  For the first time in awhile, I feel like I can seek peace within myself.  I can be spiritual without having to confuse it with religion and an elusive concept of god.  It took me so long to realize my atheism.  And I was so turned of by religion and small-minded, personification concepts of god, that i allowed it to hinder seeking peace and truth for myself.  I am moving past that.  I am free to pick and choose my methods of meditation, self-discovery and happiness.  No guilt.  No veil of secrecy.  No walking on eggshells.  Good stuff.

I got to spend time with my best friend Tim and his mom (and sis Emily for a few).  I love his mom, what a cool person.  A lot like Tim.  The 3 of us took a few beers and went to Folsom Lake in Folsom, near Sacramento.  Watched the sunset.  Mama A learned a bit about me.  Tim and his Mom learned a little about each other.  We chilled for a couple days.  I met two of Tim's old school friends.  Todd is a cool cat.  Have to get some snowboarding in with him and Tim.  Unfortunately Tim's dad, Theo was on the road.  Emily, his sis, was virtually non-existent.  Such is high-school life tho.  I gave the book to Mama A.  It was at just the right time.  She needed it.  Just like I needed it when I got it (I actually needed it all along).  I lost my $300 Nixon Watch on the trip.  I let it go.  I wasn't gonna let it ruin my good time.  Fuck any object ruining my happiness!! 

I have come to peace with a few things, and found new things to stress about.  I want out of the city.  I have a new destination.  Big Sky, Montana!  I want the great wide open.  I want to see all four seasons.  My friend Matt might go with me, but I will go alone.  Population is about 1500.  Huge snowboard/ski resort.  I am reading a book by Robert Kull - Solitude: Seeking Wisdom in Extremes; A year alone in the Patagonia Wilderness.  Amazing book.  So many taboos about doing things alone.  Society is all about normalizing relationships, marriage, kids, family.  I want to deepen the relationships I have.  I have no time for trivialities.  Are we doomed to only be the people that those around us see?  Maybe for some.  But not for me.  I'm gonna go get me some!